SOA Christmas Songs and Carols
by lederra
Summary: A remake of some of the songs and carols heard at this time of year. Making them more modern and maybe found in the world of the SONS. Complete for the moment but I might add some more when Christmas comes again. Songfic!
1. Chapter 1

Christmas songs and Carols- M.C style!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the SOA characters that may be mentioned in the following songs. They are the property of Kurt Sutter and FX and I make no money from these stories. Nor do I own any of the songs in these chapters, except for the made up bits. Hopefully you will like them.

A/N; Thought it would be nice to redo some of the well known Christmas carols and songs of our time into more M.C style ones

* * *

><p><strong>Jingle Bells!<strong>

Speeding down the highway,

on a trusted harley motorbike.

O'er the stateline we go,

laughing all the way.

Sirens on the sheriffs cruisers,

Making pretty lights.

What fun it is to laugh and sing,

a slaying song tonight.

Oh Jingle bells, jingle bells,

bikers chains swing every which way!

Oh, what fun it is to ride,

on a trusted harley motorbike.

Jingle bells, jingle bells,

bikers chains swing every which way!

Oh, what fun it is to ride,

on a trusted harley motorbike.

A day or two ago,

I thought I'd take a ride.

And very soon a sweetbutt

was seated right behind.

The bitch was lean and squawny,

Misfortune seemed my lot.

We got into a heated fight

and then we got stopped.

Oh Jingle bells, jingle bells,

bikers chains swing every which way!

Oh, what fun it is to ride,

on a trusted harley motorbike.

Oh Jingle bells, jingle bells,

biker chains swing every which way!

Oh, what fun it is to ride,

on a trusted harley motorbike.

Oh Jingle bells, jingle bells,

bikers chains swing every which way!

Oh, what fun it is to ride,

on a trusted harley motorbike.

Now the ground is white,

Go it while we are young.

Take the girls tonight,

and sing this slaying song.

Just to get a good blowjob

and laid all the time.

Get in position

and thrust! I'll take the lead.

Oh, Jingle bells, jingle bells

bikers chains swing every which way!

Oh, what fun it is to ride,

on a trusted harley motorbike.

* * *

><p>AN Hope you enjoyed it and I didn't butcher it too much for your liking. Pleas review and let me know what you think.


	2. Grandma Got Run over by a Reindeer

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the SOA characters that may be mentioned in the following songs. They are the property of Kurt Sutter and FX and I make no money from these stories. Nor do I own any of the songs in these chapters, except for the made up bits. Hopefully you will like them.

A/N The following song is after Jax and Tara found out Gemma had a hand in JT's death and a vengeful Santa Clay!

* * *

><p><strong>Grandma Got Run over by a Reindeer (Biker).<strong>

Gemma got run over by a biker,

walking home from their house Christmas Eve.

You can say there's no such thing as Santa

but for Tara and Jax, they believe.

She'd been drinking egg nog

and they'd begged her not to go.

As she stumbled out the door into the snow.

When they found her Christmas mornin'

At the scene of the attack.

There were tire marks on her forehead

and Clay marks on her back.

Gemma got run over by a biker,

walking home from their house Christmas Eve.

You can say there's no such thing as Santa

but for Tara and Jax, they believe.

Now we're all so proud of Unser,

He's been taking this so well.

See him in there watching football,

drinking beer and playing cards with the prospects.

It's not Christmas without Gemma,

All the family's dressed in black.

and you just can't help but wonder,

Should we open her gifts or send them back?

Gemma got run over by a biker,

walking home from their house on Christmas Eve.

You can say there's no such thing as Santa

but for Tara and Jax, they believe.

Now there's goose on the table

and pudding made of pig

and a blonde stripped brunnette candle,

that would have matched Gemma's hair.

They've warned all their friends and neighbours,

better watch out for yourselves.

They should never give a licence,

to a man who rides a motorbike and plays with elves.

Gemma got run over by biker

walking home from their house on Christmas Eve.

You can say there's no such thing as Santa

but Tara and Jax believe.


	3. The first Noel

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the SOA characters that may be mentioned in the following songs. They are the property of Kurt Sutter and FX and I make no money from these stories. Nor do I own any of the songs in these chapters, except for the made up bits. Hopefully you will like them.

* * *

><p><strong>The First Noel<strong>

The first noel the angel did say

was to certain poor bikers

in their beds as they lay, trying to fuck.

On a cold winters night that was so dark.

Noel, noel, noel, noel,

born is the new prince of SAMCRO.

They looked up and saw a light,

three wise NOMADS from another State that came;

To seek out a prince was their intent

and to follow that light wherever it went.

This light drew nigh to the Northwest,

over Charming it took rest,

and there it did stop and stay

Right over the hospital where Abel lay.

Then entered in those three wise NOMADS.

Fall reverently upon their knees,

and offered there in his presence,

thier gold and money and firearms.

Then let us with one accord

Sing praise to our new prince

That have heaven and Earth of naught

and with his life the club is bought.


	4. Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the SOA characters that may be mentioned in the following songs. They are the property of Kurt Sutter and FX and I make no money from these stories. Nor do I own any of the songs in these chapters, except for the made up bits. Hopefully you will like them.

* * *

><p><strong>Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire<strong>

Mayan nuts roasting on an open fire,

Tig Frost nipping off our noses.

Yuletide carols being sung by the prospects

and folks dressed up like biker Eskimo's.

Everybody knows beer and a whisky chaser,

helps to make the Christmas bright.

Everybody with their eyes all aglow,

will find it hard to sleep tonight.

They know the shipments' on its way,

and it's loaded down with toys and guns.

On the truck

and every single

biker is going to spy to see if

pigs really know how to fly.

And so, I'm offering you this

Simple term to use from

whether you're one or ninety-two.

Although it has been said many times

Many ways.

"Merry Christmas to you".


	5. Deck the Halls

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the SOA characters that may be mentioned in the following songs. They are the property of Kurt Sutter and FX and I make no money from these stories. Nor do I own any of the songs in these chapters, except for the made up bits. Hopefully you will like them.

* * *

><p><strong>Deck the Halls<strong>

Deck the Club with boughs of holly, Fa la la la la la la la!

Tis the season to be jolly, Fa la la la la la la la!

Don we now our club apparel, Fa la la la la la la la!

Sing this ancient M.C. carol, Fa la la la la la la la!

See the blazing barbie before us, Fa, la la la la la la la!

Strike the guitar and join the chorus, Fa la la la la la la la!

Follow me in merry measure, Fa la la la la la la la!

While I tell you of our gun running treasure, Fa la la la la la la la!

Fast away the old order passes, Fa la la la la la la la la!

Hail the new, ye lads and lasses, Fa la la la la la la la!

Ride we joyous altogether! Fa, la la la la la la la!

Heedless of the wind and weather, Fa la la la la la la la!


	6. White Christmas

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the SOA characters that may be mentioned in the following songs. They are the property of Kurt Sutter and FX and I make no money from these stories. Nor do I own any of the songs in these chapters, except for the made up bits. Hopefully you will like them.

* * *

><p><strong> White Christmas<strong>

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas,

just like the ones I use to know.

Where all the sweetbutts glisten

and bikers listen

to hear motorbikes in the snow.

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas

with every single bullet that I shoot.

May the nights be drunken and merry

and may all the christmas's be white.

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas,

with every single bullet I shoot.

May the nights be drunken and merry

and may all the christmas's be white.


	7. Silent Night

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the SOA characters that may be mentioned in the following songs. They are the property of Kurt Sutter and FX and I make no money from these stories. Nor do I own any of the songs in these chapters, except for the made up bits. Hopefully you will like them.

* * *

><p><strong> Silent Night<strong>

Silent night, holy night!

All is calm, all is bright.

Rond yon 'Old Lady', Mother and Child,

Little Thomas so tender and mild,

Sleep in heavenly peace,

sleep in heavenly peace.

Silent night, holy night!

Sheriffs quake at the sight.

Lights that stream from Harleys afar.

Bikers hosts singing Alleluia.

A new SAMCRO prince is born!

A new SAMCRO prince is born.

Silent night, holy night!

Son of Jax's loves pure light,

Radiant smile for his little face.

With dawn of redeeming grace

Thomas Teller, at thy birth.

Thomas Teller at thy birth.


	8. The Grinch Theme Song

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the SOA characters that may be mentioned in the following songs. They are the property of Kurt Sutter and FX and I make no money from these stories. Nor do I own any of the songs in these chapters, except for the made up bits. Hopefully you will like them.

* * *

><p><strong> The Grinch Theme Song<strong>

**"Jacob Hale"**

You're a mean one Jacob Hale.

You really are a heel,

You're as cuddly as a cactus, you're as charming as an eel, Jacob Hale.

You're a bad banana with a greasy black peel!

You're a monster, Jacob Hale.

Your hearts an empty hole.

You're brain is full of spider, you have garlic in your soul, Jacob Hale.

No one in their right mind would touch you with a thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole!

You're a foul one, Jacob Hale.

You have termites in your smile,

You have all the tender sweetness of a racist Nord, Jacob Hale.

Given the choice between the two of you, most would take the Nord!

You're a rotter, Jacob Hale.

You're the king of all the sins.

You're hearts an old tamale splotched with mouldy patches, Jacob Hale.

You're a three decker Sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich with Arsnic sauce.

You nauseate people, Jacob Hale.

With a nauseous super "naus"!

You're a crooked dirty politician and you plot dirty schemes, Jacob Hale.

You're soul is an appalling dump heap overflowing the most

disgraceful

assortment of toxic rubbish, mangled all together!

You're a foul one, Jacob Hale.

You're a nasty little skunk.

Your heart is empty, you're soul is black, Jacob Hale.

The words that best describe you are as follows and I quote,

**"STINK, STANK, STUNK!"**


	9. 12 Days of Christmas

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the SOA characters that may be mentioned in the following songs. They are the property of Kurt Sutter and FX and I make no money from these stories. Nor do I own any of the songs in these chapters, except for the made up bits. Hopefully you will like them.

* * *

><p><strong> 12 Days of Christmas<strong>

On the first day of Christmas

my true love gave to me,

A Knuckle duster in a pear tree!

On the second day of Christmas

my true love gave to me

two black eyes

and a knuckle duster in a pear tree!

On the third day of Christmas

my true love gave to me

three rocket launchers,

two black eyes

and a knuckle duster in a pear tree!

On the fourth day of Christmas

my true love gave to me

four semi-automatics,

three rocket launchers,

two black eyes

and a knuckle duster in a pear tree!

On the fifth day of Christmas

my true love gave to me

five golden bullets,

four semi-automatics,

three rocket launchers,

two black eyes

and a knuckle duster in a pear tree!

On the sixth day of Christmas

my true love gave to me

six sawn off shotguns,

five golden bullets,

four semi-automatics,

three rocket launchers,

two black eyes

and a knuckle duster in a pear tree!

On the seventh day of Christmas

my true love gave to me

seven dead ATF agents,

six sawn off shotguns,

five golden bullets,

four semi-automatics,

three rocket launchers.

two black eyes

and a knuckle duster in a pear tree!

On the eigth day of Christmas

my true love gave to me

eight decapitated heads,

seven dead ATF agents,

six sawn off shotguns,

five golden bullets,

four semi-automatics,

three rocket launchers,

two black eyes

and a knuckle duster in a pear tree!

On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me

nine bowls of chilli,

eight decapitated heads,

seven dead ATF agents,

six sawn off shotguns,

five golden bullets,

four semi-automatics,

three rocket launchers,

two black eyes

and a knuckle duster in a pear tree!

On the tenth day of Christmas

my true love gave to me.

ten bent sheriffs,

nine bowls of chilli,

eight decapitated heads,

seven dead ATF agents,

six sawn off shotguns,

five golden bullets,

four semi-automatics,

three rocket launchers

two black eyes

and a knuckle duster in a pear tree!

On the eleventh day of Christmas

my true love gave to me

eleven bags of heroin,

ten bent sheriffs,

nine bowls of chilli,

eight decapitated heads,

seven dead ATF agents,

six sawn off shotguns,

five golden bullets,

four semi-automatics,

three rocket launchers

two black eyes

and a knuckle duster in a pear tree!

On the twelve day of Christmas

my true love gave to me

twelve Harley motorbikes,

eleven bags of heroin,

ten bent sheriffs,

nine bowls of chilli,

eight decapitated heads,

seven dead ATF agents,

six sawn off shotguns,

five golden bullets,

four semi-automatics,

three rocket launchers,

two black eyes

and a knuckle duster in a pear tree!


	10. Stahl's xmas Carol

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the SOA characters that may be mentioned in the following songs. They are the property of Kurt Sutter and FX and I make no money from these stories. Nor do I own any of the songs in these chapters, except for the made up bits. Hopefully you will like them.

* * *

><p><strong> Stahl's Xmas Carol<strong>

She's kind and generous to the sick.

She'd never spread a nasty rumour.

She never gets on peoples wick

and doesn't laugh at toillette humour.

Stahl, Stahl.

She's sickenly good.

Stahl, Stahl.

As nice as xmas pud.

**Yea Right!**


	11. Winter Wonderland

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the SOA characters that may be mentioned in the following songs. They are the property of Kurt Sutter and FX and I make no money from these stories. Nor do I own any of the songs in these chapters, except for the made up bits. Hopefully you will like them.

* * *

><p><strong> Winter Wonderland<strong>

Mobile phones ringing

are you listening

on the highway

snow is glistening.

A beautiful sight

we are happy tonight

riding in a winter wonderland.

Gone away is our bluebird

here to stay is our new warhouse

storing all our stock.

As we carry on

riding in a winter wonderland.

In the TM lot we can build a snowman,

then pretend that he is the M.C. Parson.

He'll say: are you married?

We'll say: no man

but you can do the job

when you are in town.

Later on

we'll conspire

as we dream by the bar.

To face unafraid

the enemies that we have made

riding in a winter wonderland.

In the TM lot we can build a snowman

and pretend it's Sheriff Roosevelt.

till the others knock him down.

When it snows

aint it thrilling.

Though our noses get a chilling

we'll frolic and play

the biker way.

Riding in the winter wonderland.

Riding in the winter wonderland.

riding in the winter wonderland!


	12. Here comes Santa Claus Clay

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the SOA characters that may be mentioned in the following songs. They are the property of Kurt Sutter and FX and I make no money from these stories. Nor do I own any of the songs in these chapters, except for the made up bits. Hopefully you will like them.

* * *

><p><strong> Here Comes Santa Clay<strong>

Here comes Santa Clay, here comes Santa Clay.

Right down Santa Clay lane.

Tigger and Happy and all thier brothers

riding on their bikes.

Mobiles are ringing, 'old ladies' singing

all is merry and bright.

Hang your stockings and say your prayers

'Cause Santa Clay comes tonight!

Here comes Santa Clay, here Santa Clay.

Right down Santa Clay lane.

He's got bags filled with toys

for boys and girls again.

Hear the bikers mobiles playing tunes.

Oh, what a beatiful sight.

So jump in bed and cover your heads.

'Cause Santa Clay comes tonight.


	13. I'll be Home for Christmas

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the SOA characters that may be mentioned in the following songs. They are the property of Kurt Sutter and FX and I make no money from these stories. Nor do I own any of the songs in these chapters, except for the made up bits. Hopefully you will like them.

* * *

><p><strong> I'll be Home for Christmas<strong>

I'll be home for Christmas

No longer doing time in Stockton.

Please have beer and mistletoe

and presents on the tree.

Christmas eve will find me

where our love gleams

I'll be home for Christmas

if only in my dreams.

I'll be home for Christmas

No longer doing time in Stockton.

Please have beer and mistletoe

and presents on the tree.

Christmas eve will find me

where our love gleams.

I'll be home for Christmas

if only in my dreams.


	14. Biker Chain Rock

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the SOA characters that may be mentioned in the following songs. They are the property of Kurt Sutter and FX and I make no money from these stories. Nor do I own any of the songs in these chapters, except for the made up bits. Hopefully you will like them.

* * *

><p><strong> Biker Chain Rock<strong>

Biker chain, biker chain, biker chain rock.

Biker chains swing and biker chains clang.

Snowing and blowing up bushels of fun.

Now the biker hop has begun.

Biker chains, biker chains, biker chains rock.

Biker chains clang in biker chain time.

Dancing and prancing in biker chain square

in the frosty air.

What a bright time, its the right time

to rock the night away.

Biker chain time is a swell time

to go riding down the highway.

Giddy up bikers, pick up your speed.

Rock around the clock

mix and a mingle with the jingling chain.

That's the biker chain

that's the biker chain

that's the biker chain rock.


	15. God Rest Ye Merry Bikers

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the SOA characters that may be mentioned in the following songs. They are the property of Kurt Sutter and FX and I make no money from these stories. Nor do I own any of the songs in these chapters, except for the made up bits. Hopefully you will like them.

* * *

><p><strong> God Rest Ye Merry Bikers<strong>

God rest ye merry bikers.

Let nothing you dismay.

Remember your anarchist

was born on anarchist day.

To save us all from blowing our ourselves away

when we had gone astray.

Oh tidings of comfort and joy

from our heavenly prez.

That blessed enforcer came.

and unto certain charter members

brought tidings of the same.

How that in Charming was born

the son of anarchy by name.

Oh, tidings of comfort and joy!

Oh, tidings of comfort and joy!

When they came to Charming

where the anarchist lay.

They found him in slumber

with sweetbutts by his side.

Oh, tidings of comfort and joy!

Oh, tidings of comfort and joy!

God rest ye merry bikers

let nothing you dismay.

Remember your anarchist

was born on anarchist day!


	16. Do You Hear What I Hear?

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the SOA characters that may be mentioned in the following songs. They are the property of Kurt Sutter and FX and I make no money from these stories. Nor do I own any of the songs in these chapters, except for the made up bits. Hopefully you will like them.

* * *

><p><strong> Do You Hear What I Hear?<strong>

Said the night wind to the bikers

Do you hear what I hear?

Way up in the sky bikers

Do you see what I see?

A star, a star

dancing in the night.

With a tail as big as a kite.

With a tail as big as a kite!

Say the bikers to the NOMADS

Do you hear what I hear?

Ringing through the sky, NOMADS.

Do you hear what I hear?

A song, a song

high above the trees.

With a voice as big as the sea.

With a voice as big as the sea!

Said the NOMADS to all of SAMCRO.

Do you know what I know?

In your mighty clubhouse SAMCRO.

Do you know what I know?

A babe, a babe

Shivers in the cold.

Let us bring him silver and gold.

Let us bring him silver and gold!

Said SAMCRO to the people of Charming.

Listen to what we say

Pray for protection from the world outside.

Listen to what we have to say.

The babe, the babe

sleeping in the night

He will bring you goodness and light.

He will bring you goodness and light!

The child, the child

sleeping in the night.

He will bring you goodness and light!


	17. I wish it could be Christmas Everyday

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the SOA characters that may be mentioned in the following songs. They are the property of Kurt Sutter and FX and I make no money from these stories. Nor do I own any of the songs in these chapters, except for the made up bits. Hopefully you will like them.

* * *

><p><strong> I wish it could be Christmas Everyday<strong>

When the snowman brings the snow.

Well he just might like to know

If you jump into your bed

Quickly cover up your head

Don't lock the doors

You know SAMCRO is on the way

Well I wish it could be Christmas everyday.

When Bobby 'Elvis' starts to sing and the band begins to play.

Oh, I wish it could be Christmas everyday

Let our mobiles ring out the Christmas cheer.

When we're riding down the highway

and the snow clouds make it dark.

Then your 'Old Ladies' rosy cheeks

light our merry way.

I wish it could be Christmas everyday.

With Bobby 'Elvis' singing and the band playing.

Oh I wish it could be Christmas everyday

Let your mobiles ring out with Christmas cheer.

Why don't you give your love for Christmas

When the snowman brings the snow.

When the snowman brings the snow.

When the snoman brings the snow.


End file.
